The Script for a Really Weird Shakespeare Play

JOE
Hello, Sally. Are you ready for our outing?

SALLY
Hello, Joe. (walks over to him) I am.

JOE
Then shall we--(looks at audience) Depart?

SALLY
Oh, Joe! Yes!!

JOE
This place we are going to-- I believe it is called... "Wal*Mart"

SALLY
Yes, I do think that is correct.

JOE
Then shall we go?

SALLY
You already asked that, and the answer is still yes.

JOE
Then; Come.

SCENE 2
At Wal*Mart

JOE
How are you liking our-- (looks at audience) Outing?

(A very large, very strangely dressed shopper walks by. SALLY stares at him/her as he/she walks by)

SALLY
O, wonder! How many goodly creatures are there here! How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world, that has such People of Wal*Mart in it!

JOE
Oh, my! Behold this boldly dressed culture!

SALLY
My, my. These creatures dress with such an arrogance! Showing off their un-shaven glutes! How not-goodly this world is!

JOE
Sally, I oblige you, close your eyes.

NARRATOR
These two guys were thus appalled,
That the self was not the same;
Single register's ticket name
Neither two nor one was called.
Reason, in itself confounded,
Beards and eyebrows grow together.

OAF
Hey! Who's that talking? Innercom lady? Where's the moo-moo dresses!

NARRATOR
And all your yesterdays have lighted you, fool
The way to un-fashionable death.

OAF
What?

NARRATOR
Goats and monkeys! Impudent strumpet!

OAF
Are you still talkin'?

NARRATOR
If I do not upchuck myself,
I am.


The end.